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“People will give you a shopping list of what they think they’re looking for, but that’s often not who they wind up with,” says Fay Goldman, the founder of matchmaking service Meaningful Connections. The whole point is that if you have a usual type and it keeps not working out, a guy who deviates from your cookie-cutter dating past might be worth sticking with. This is especially true if you’re open to introducing him to some of your passions—and trying some of his. “When you’re excited to have new interests, meeting someone very different can completely expand your world,” says Goldman.
“Being aligned in your food preferences can actually say a lot about compatibility,” says Wexler. Maybe you’re both vegetarians or you both love trying new cuisine. You get the idea. As long as you’re on the same general page about what you want to put in your bellies, you’re golden. “Things like one person being an adventurous eater while the other is very picky can become a bigger issue than you’d think," says Wexler. "And if one person has dietary restrictions while the other doesn’t, that can also cause problems down the road."
“If your dog is like your baby but the guy you’re with was raised to think dogs aren’t part of the family, that can spiral,” says Wexler. It can turn into a war over affection (he might get insecure about your love of the dog) and hygiene (what if he doesn’t want Fido in bed with you because he thinks it’s unsanitary?), among other things. This also works vice-versa: if you’re 100 percent not an animal person and he’s obsessed with his cat, you might not be the best long-term match.
Sometimes you think you’re into a guy, but he seems a little too...sweet. Examine that feeling, says Goldman. It’s one thing if you think thatsexism is lurking under his politeness or if you just can’t see yourself being attracted to him in the first place. But if you weren't interested until he showed real interest in you, he might be just what you need. “Women often go for bad boys because that’s what they’re attracted to," says Goldman. "In the long run, you need someone who’s the opposite of that." This still stands if you think you could be attracted to him but you aren’t sure. “Sometimes you get to know someone and their personality sparks something,” says Goldman.
Whether you’re both always on time or running 15 minutes behind, having a synced-up sense of punctuality is a hint that you could work together. “If you’re always on time and he’s usually 15 minutes late, you’ll start to feel like he doesn’t respect your time,” says Wexler. It’s likely that you’ve been there before with friends, impatiently tapping your feet while they text that they’re on their way when you’re already at the destination. Maybe you’ve been the one who’s always running late and you can tell it annoys your type-A friends. Either way, better to forgo that dynamic altogether when it comes to your relationship.
Either you both can’t stand the sight of clutter or you’re fine leaving things strewn all over the place. Being on the same page here is so helpful when it comes to compatibility, says Wexler. “Different values about neatness can drive people apart. It sounds small, but over time it can build up into a huge frustration." The person who’s neater might think the other is inconsiderate and rude, while the person who isn’t as neat will probably start to think their partner is a nag. If you two happen to be simpatico in this arena, you just might be an awesome pair.
